just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
