she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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