I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
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This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
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Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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