im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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