He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
