forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
