My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
