Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
People in love make me want to vomit
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
