ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
