Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
