Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
