I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
