your thong is hanging out like whoa
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
