I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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