Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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