If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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