i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
