can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
