Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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