I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
