Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
so much tequila, so little girl.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
