whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
