Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
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Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
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Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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