this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
