I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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