Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
