I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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