he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
