watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
