you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
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I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
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I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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