I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
