If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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