Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
