I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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