hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
