I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
