I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
