id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
