1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Everyone says I win the strip club
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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