i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
