You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i think i have herpe
just one?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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