I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
