JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
