i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
