don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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