i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
