I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
