this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I need moral support for this bender
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
