sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
