The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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