What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
