The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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