Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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