ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
