whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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