I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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