It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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