have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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