she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
