what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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