youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
