seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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