How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
