Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
