Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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