Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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