I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
