At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
