I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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