Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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