My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
