We're facebook friends in real life
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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