went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
