So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
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Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
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Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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