i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
