I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
this will be a night to untag.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
