That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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