We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
