I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
