My Higher Power is John Stamos
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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